How to Avoid “Head-Hopping:” First-Person Point of View

Choosing a perspective through which to tell a story is one of the most, if not the most, important things a writer has to decide. Do readers need a deep, emotional understanding of one single character, experiencing events as they do? Or would it benefit them to take a step back, remaining as a fly on the wall?

Having a point of view (or narrative voice) can’t be avoided. Every piece of writing has one. Who your characters are—their beliefs, impressions, and reactions—is what informs how a story is told. As a writer, there are three main perspectives to choose from: first, second, or third-person narration.

Each offers different creative opportunities, and it can take some time to find the right voice. But once you do, stick with it! Confusion in point of view is one of the most common issues I encounter. This is known as “head-hopping.” It is likely to cause confusion, and may even break the spell you’ve so carefully crafted and take readers out of the story. And no one wants that!

So, let’s break down each type and explore how to avoid the dreaded “head-hop.” We’ll start with the most personal and intimate: first-person.

>> Don’t miss the other posts in the series: How to Avoid “Head-Hopping:” Second-Person Point of View and How to Avoid “Head-Hopping:” Third-Person Point of View <<

THE BASICS

Next to third-person, the first-person perspective is the most common. It invites readers to develop a deep and intimate relationship with one character, and they experience everything through that character’s singular viewpoint. To help achieve this, first-person pronouns—I, we, mine, my, and me—are used. Remember, how the point of view character sees the world, and their situation, informs events and influences tone.

Keep this short, simple example in mind. Readers are deeply involved with one character, and although a description of the setting is given it is done so within the context of the character’s mindset. (If they were in a better mood, perhaps they’d find the crunch of leaves familiar and comforting!)

“I decided to clear my head with a walk. Leaving the house I stomped along my usual route, past the lights and down the well-trodden forest path that met the sidewalk. A cool breeze swept brittle leaves across the ground. The crunch they made beneath my feet felt eerily prescient, but of what I did not yet know.”

PROS & CONS OF FIRST-PERSON POV

The first-person point of view provides an opportunity to create a truly distinct voice, one that immediately pulls readers in. It’s an in-depth exploration of one individual and their experiences, no matter what happens in the plot. Writers may choose this perspective if

they need readers to suspend their disbelief and accept an alternate reality,
they want readers to empathize with a specific individual and experience something outside their own lived experience,
they want to manipulate readers into cheering for the “villain,” or
they want to increase tension and conflict by having an unreliable narrator.

In short, the first-person point of view provides a lot of room to play! But … these advantages can work against you. Success with this perspective depends on balancing which details readers need to know with which they don’t. Best practice is to determine what is vital to show the character’s growth, illicit understanding in readers, and illustrate how your protagonist’s decisions influence the story.

Too many details and the story will feel like a stream of consciousness, muddying ideas and causing confusion.
Too little details and the protagonist can appear as though they aren’t self-aware—or even as if they are simply floating through blank space!

With the first-person point of view, consider as well the constraints of whatever biases your protagonist may have. Readers will only be privy to their perspective, so it is not the best option for exploring a topic from multiple angles.

HOW TO AVOID “HEAD-HOPPING”

Writers “head-hop” in the first-person point of view by revealing the deep inner workings of another character. And stating information that was never revealed to the point-of-view character will only cause confusion.

Just as we, in our everyday lives, are unable to know anything but that which is revealed to us—be it through a conversation (spoken or eavesdropped upon), reading an article, or picked up by our senses (like the smell of baking cookies)—neither are first-person narrators. To illustrate, consider these lines:

I walked into the pub and saw Don seated at the bar. He was holding a scotch, neat, and I watched as he twirled the glass in his hands. The clink of ice reminded him of the clink of handcuffs, their cold grip, and Don frowned. Seeing he was upset, I moved further inside.

Put yourself in the narrator’s shoes. How could they know what memories the sound of the clinking ice brought to Don? Maybe they know about his past, maybe they don’t. Either way, they aren’t Don so they can’t know what he’s thinking to himself as he sits at the bar.

To correct such head hops, convey what the narrator infers based on another’s actions or on the situation. Again, we too do this every day. We assume things about people based on how they act, talk, dress, and so on. (How accurate—or fair—these assumptions are is another thing entirely!) So, in the passage above, the narrator could sit next to Don and notice how he winces when he hears the ice cubes rattle in the glass. This could prompt a question that leads Don to reveal had been arrested, resulting in the reason he called…

FINAL THOUGHTS

It all comes back to intent. Is the story is best served by a single, distinct voice, or would it benefit from a wider viewpoint? If unsure, take a small part of your WIP (a paragraph, a page, or a scene) and write from another viewpoint. How does this change the story and how you reveal information, how you build characters or create tension? Does it feel more authentic?

Reading examples of the first-person point of view is also a great way to better understand its opportunities and limitations. By no means an exhaustive list, some examples include:

The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas
Eileen by Ottessa Moshfegh
When Everything Feels Like the Movies by Raziel Reid
The Martian by Andy Weir
All My Puny Sorrows by Miriam Toews

Thanks for reading, and I hope this helps you better understand the first-person point of view. Above all, remember: You cannot reveal any information to the reader unless your narrator has learned it first! Questions? I’m happy to answer them in the comments.

Until next time, keep creating!